This is just a test

Just as I am...

Being different. When I was a very little girl, I hated to be different from anyone else. I didn’t want to stand out in any way. If I lost my teeth faster, I would always cover my mouth, I developed faster so always hid my chest, I got taller than anyone so would stoop quite a bit, if I got a boys haircut when all my friends had long curly hair (I would be devastated but of course my mom would want me to have short hair since I had the bad habit of getting gum stuck in my hair and also letting it get really tangled and screaming like I was being murdered when she brushed it out), and we were poor so I had a lot of garage sale clothes from other kids in my neighborhood, so if they recognized their old dress or clothes, I was teased about it which would devastate me. BUT when I was in high school I realized that I didn’t like to be the same as everyone else. I wanted to stand out, to be recognized as being an individual. I was really into New Wave and Punk Rock and had a long “rat tail” that I would dye different colors, wear lots of wild makeup, I would wear clothes with safety pins all over them, dressed like Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink but sometimes would wear spiked collars or bracelets with huge earrings while wearing my Pretty Pink dress and army boots. I would not let myself be in a clique and made sure I did not own a pair of khaki pants. I also started a Punk Rock band and had the best time ever, every day laughing, smiling being friends with EVERYONE in EVERY clique (I did not have the Punk Rock attitude, just the clothes and the music). THEN my self esteem issues got in the way, things took a nose dive, I began to be scared if I stood out again. I let people make me feel embarrassed that I liked certain things and started to feel ashamed when I didn’t just like cool trendy things. HOW did I lose myself like that???

I am SLOWLY Getting it back and am finding myself every day. The point is, it has been liberating to wear what I want and NOT CARE what anyone thinks. It has been liberating to not fall for any kind of manipulation or guilt trips to do what someone else wants me to do and stand up for ME and be strong about that decision. It has been liberating to say what I think and not have a panic attack to think that I sounded like a DORK. SO WHAT??? I have learned to EMBRACE my dorkiness, even though I usually don’t fit in with most of the people that like the same things I do, it just doesn’t stop me from liking it. Yes, I love paranormal things, ghost hunting, scary and horror movies, paranormal reality shows, etc; I also love Renaissance Faires; The Lord of the Rings Trilogy; Opera; sparkly pink; feather boas; The Bee Gees; 80s music; The Clash; The Dead Kennedy's; cats; romance; Wuthering Heights; Jane Eyre; Sense and Sensibility; Back to the Future Trilogy; Funny KungFu movies; Spongebob; 1970s Mod; ladybugs; looking at stars through a telescope; Musicals; singing in the rain; film noir; men who are sweet and nice (not looking for the bad boy); Gregorian Chants; old movies from the 20s, 30s and 40s; going to the zoo when it’s raining; All the HARRY POTTER books, Twilight books; I really could let this list go on forever but my tastes are extremely varied. I just think it’s important to love the things that you love and DON’T let anyone make you feel embarrassed or inferior if you like something that is different. JUST be yourself and if people really like me they will accept me, Just As I Am…