LESSONS OF LIFE

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old - To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written." My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch .

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. oday is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don 't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

I believe that every woman should find a theme song for themselves, memorize it, and always play it in their head while they are walking. Head up, shoulders back, sashay side to side…I see so many women walking down-trodden, their eyes looking at the ground, mumbling answers to people and not looking them in the eyes, never having an opinion about something, having to check with someone else to see if something looks good on them, being afraid to speak up about anything…the list goes on and on.

I feel so sorry for women like that because I used to be a woman like that. It still makes me so mad that someone as outgoing, fun, sparkly, hyper, giggly, flirty, etc. when I was in high school then fell in like (I won’t say love because I really never was in love with him, I loved him and cared for him but I was not IN love with him. I sure as hell wish I had known the difference when I was 21 years old…oh well) with a young man that belonged to a church that women were considered a LOT less than men and their opinions didn’t really count.

I was never physically beaten (at times I wish that would have happened instead because I KNOW that would have woken me up a lot sooner to get out of that relationship, although I would probably be in prison right now for killing him, but hey, free lodging and meals? Hmmmmm) Anyway, Mentally I was constantly put down, the church I went to made me feel extremely inferior, I gained a lot of weight, I could not look anyone in the eye and felt like I didn’t matter. THEN when we moved out here to Seattle, I started to find myself, I bought SARK books which are amazing to feed your self esteem and your soul, I started going to different classes and trying new things. THEN thank god, Ty and I decided to separate, at the time it was devastating to me, I guess I was very comfortable in my own misery.

Now, I am SUCH a different person, I feel like I’ve most of that sparkle back that I had in high school and the beginning of college when I had my punk rock band and loved life to the fullest, but even better now because I know more of who I am and what I want in life and in a man. Soooo, now I try to walk like I have a song playing in my head, shoulders up, head held high, big smile, fast pace, nice eye contact, looking around very aware of my surroundings, I am so happy that I have searched for myself and have finally found ME!!!! (still have a long way to go but I am definitely getting there) I hope you have found yourself too! So what do you think your theme song is?

Not listening to Noisy Negatives

I have so many issues in this life that I need to work on...

I still have sooooo much anger towards my ex husband and a few things that happened to me when I was a child. I had just finished my vocal jazz workshop last night driving home when it just hit me, I remember a time when Ty had told me that I just didn’t have what it took to be a great singer, he said a good singer, but not great, so I should just give up music all together (I actually had a horrible teacher in college tell me the same thing).

Of course my self esteem plummeted once again and started thinking I was pond scum again at that time. Well, this was the first time my new jazz teacher or the band heard me and all of them said that I need to record a CD and definitely sing professionally.

Of course I said thank you but in my heart I didn’t believe them and THAT is when it hit me, Ty’s voice came right back into my head and I relived the whole speech. Okay, actually to his credit he heard me sing a couple of years ago and told me how wrong he was…BUT…in my head I only heard the negative comment. WHY, WHY did I listen to him anyway? Where the hell is his music career? I don’t see it anywhere. UGH. I know, I know he had a lot of problems at that time in his life and a way to make himself feel like he was better than anyone was to put me down as much as possible. It’s really sad when someone says something mean and vindictive and that is the thing that sticks with me, not the fun times or the laughter. There are times I think I have a handle on everything and nothing from the past bothers me. THEN there is this trigger that happens and BANG, I start feeling angry again.

It’s really hard to not react in a negative way (eating too much, drinking too much, shopping too much) when having those emotions, I was strong and didn’t react to it, but I just wanted to eat something very sweet to “make me feel better” yeah, like that will make me feel better. I know it won’t. I just need to rise above all those negative comments from my past and know they were made by people that had a lot of issues themselves and I was a good target because I was so naïve and trusting and I can say it now, I had a VICTIM mentality. I also remember a day that I said, I am not going to be a victim anymore. That is that, I will not be taken advantage of, I will not accept things the way they are, I will not be a door mat, I will not be intimidated in doing things I do not want to do, I will stand up for myself when someone says something negative and not accept what they say as truth. This is why now I hold my head up high when I walk and smile and look people in the eyes, I used to look down at the ground and practically jump out of my skin when someone would talk to me. Of course I believe when you look like you have no self esteem that is when certain people will pounce on you, they are predators and know you won’t fight back. Walking tall and looking confident I have NEVER had anyone say anything negative to me or if they did, I didn’t pay any attention to them.

I guess I just needed to write about this. I know I do need to talk to someone about that past. I keep saying I don’t want to dredge all that pain and hurt up again but it comes up any way and that is why I want to cram that pain down with food so I can feel a little numb. I know that I am changing for the better, I am starting to do the things I love, I don’t let people walk on me anymore, of course I’m still sweet and nice but I will be firm, I still have a good job and a paycheck, which I am so thankful for in this day and age, I have a nice little apartment and a crazy little kitty that loves me unconditionally (unless I am late feeding her then that one is up for debate), I have a very open mind about people, I am tolerant of everyone, I love to explore and go to new places and try new things, anyway what I think I am saying is to NEVER sell yourself short, don’t listen to the Simon Cowell’s of the world or ANY NOISY NEGATIVES.